When was the last time you remember being completely in the moment with someone else? When you weren't distracted by an errand you forgot to run, or work that had to be completed, or a notification on your phone? While being present is a strength for some, I would venture to guess that if many of us thought long and hard about this question we would find it challenging to come up with a specific example.
The practice of avoiding internal and external distractions when interacting with other people is important. However, the practice of being present with others is a new level of challenge. According to Halpern and Lubar (2003), presence is the ability to be completely in the moment, and flexible enough to handle the unexpected.
As we practiced presence with partners
, I realized that my tendency is to become distracted with thoughts about how I can relate to what they are saying or how they are feeling, as well as with solutions to solve their problem. I now know that being present means putting those thoughts aside to just listen and absorb when another person is saying without judgement, comment, or reaction.
Presence takes a lot of practice, and I'm excited to continue to work on this skill in order to improve my abilities as a coach to others.
Abby, I relate to this so much! Active listening is a goal of mine in my ILP. The distracting thoughts, driving us to whatever performance orientation feels the best in that moment instead of just listening to the other person. Do we all do this 😆?! Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this!